you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
