Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
