What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
