before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
