we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
