I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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