god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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