you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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