the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
