I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
