Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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