thus making me awesome and them whores
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
