I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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