went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
