Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
