I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
