Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
