So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
