We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Never underestimate the power of titties
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
