It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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