god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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