The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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