Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a search helicopter?!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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