oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
