You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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