We're facebook friends in real life
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
