you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
