I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
