You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
