Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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