i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
