it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
