She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
