her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
