I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
