You can't motorboat a personality
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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