He kissed a someone with a penis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
