Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am one with the molecules
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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