Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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