I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
