we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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