I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
