Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
