He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
