thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
