dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
