just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
