You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
