She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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