its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
