For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
